Serenity Oaks Wellness Center

Friday, November 30, 2018

Good Days and Bad Days

With Spring here at last, and knowing it is a time of renewal, you are beginning to feel better. If you’re home, and a gardener, you’ve probably bought your seeds, and started them indoors until the weather is just right for outdoor planting. It’s a great time of year. Your meetings are going well, and you’ve made new friends. The joy of living, like your seeds, is sprouting and growing.

Family members, whom you thought would never want to see you again, call to invite you over for a meal. You still harbor a considerable amount of shame and guilt, but you are working on those issues in therapy. Unearthing things about yourself that led you to addiction has been both painful and helpful.

Your life is going so well, it seems nothing can go wrong. You’ve heard the term, two steps forward, one step back, but are not prepared for the back step when it hits. Your company, the one that was so understanding about your one-month leave for rehab, is shutting down the office where you work. The severance package they offer is insulting.

You are devastated, and all the personal work you’ve done on yourself seems irrelevant. It seems like a bad movie, but it’s not funny. The disappointment you feel from losing your job turns to rage, and then the rage turns inward. It calls to you, self-destruct, self-destruct, and you think, wouldn’t a drink taste good right now?!

In recovery, you can have both good and bad days, because that’s how life works. There’s no free lunch, but turning your back on yourself and retreating to dangerous considerations, isn’t a going to remedy your feelings or situation. Deep down, you know this, so gratefully you leave the liquor store empty-handed, get in your car and call your sponsor or a good friend also in recovery.

When those inevitable bad days come again, and you are tempted to self-destruct, take a walk. Specifically, take a walk in your mind and visualize the downward spiral to where just one drink or drug will lead. That path doesn’t look hopeful does it? Living life on life’s terms takes practice for those in recovery for an addiction, but you’ll get there with growing aw

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We provide medical support, detox, and other help such as building life skills. Through individualized programs we help you move forward in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/good-days-and-bad-days/

Why Couldn’t I See How Much Harm I Was Causing My Family?

Fathoming the pain you caused a loved can be difficult to ascertain when you are in the active claws of addiction. Addiction alters the reality sensors in your brain. You can watch your own unkind and destructive behavior, unfold as if someone else is in control. You may see that you are harming a loved one, and not even care, or not be able to stop yourself.

The heartbreaking truth is, with addiction, the drugs, and or alcohol always have to come first. They own you. This is compounded by the blindfold of denial, of which the disease is also responsible. When you begin to recover from an addiction, you may feel deep shame for previous actions. Through drug and alcoholism education you can gain an understanding as to why you acted the way you did.

Feeling your emotions is a starting point. You’re not going to forgive yourself, if you can’t feel your emotions. This can be especially true if you loop them off, or run and hide every time the subject of your family and loved ones comes up. People in recovery have to learn to feel again. It’s not easy, but it will be Ok.

Feelings aren’t the enemy. They give you feedback about what’s going on within you. Feelings are messages from your core self that inform how you are doing. As such, there really are no bad feelings. They are either on the range of comfortable or uncomfortable. Difficult feelings ask you to go to the source of the trouble and take action. It’s like having a dream in which you’re doing what you don’t want to do. Your subconscious, the feeling part of your mind, tells you what you need to do. During waking hours, the subconscious, speaks out in the form of feelings. It tries to tell you there’s something important that you can’t ignore or deny.

There are many steps in recovery. Learning why you behaved the way you did, is just one. Others steps include self compassion and forgiveness. It’s important to be patient with the process of your recovery and not beat yourself up. You have a whole new life ahead in which wonderful things can happen with your effort.

“Not causing harm requires staying awake. Part of being awake is slowing down enough to notice what we say and do. The more we witness our emotional chain reactions and understand how they work, the easier it is to refrain. It becomes a way of life to stay awake, slow down, and notice.”—Pema Chodron

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We aim to provide a space where you can find out how and why you have struggled with addiction. Our therapeutic and medical support are just one of the tools we provide to help set you up for success in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/why-couldnt-i-see-how-much-harm-i-was-causing-my-family/

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Humor In Recovery

Recovery from substance abuse is serious business, but we can’t be all nose to the grindstone every waking minute. Can you think of a time when you were so focussed on a project at work or at home, that you lost your sense of humor. Perhaps you became irritable with others and impatience with yourself. When you focus on nothing but the project you can lose site of the bigger picture.

Humor in recovery gives you a reprieve from the serious work you’re doing. Walk into any AA or NA meeting and you’ll hear laughter. People in recovery learn to laugh at themselves. They enjoy hearing the mistakes and patterns that others discuss. They laugh, because what others say, reminds them of themselves. Laughter is a universal language that promotes comradeship and bonding with others.

Nothing’s funny, you say. If you are new to recovery, and are annoyed by the laughter in the room, consider just letting the annoyance flow through you. Humor can’t be forced, but given time and listening to shared experiences may open you up to it. Humor can release tension in your body, and that is an important element to healing.

A team of Swiss researchers reported that laughter and humor can increase pain tolerance and improve quality of life. According to Thomas Benz (RehaClinic Zurzach, Switzerland), targeted humor interventions should be part of pain therapy. A possible explanation for the pain reduction could be that humor activates the release of endorphins and relieves muscular tension. Thus the effect on pain is both at a mental and physical level. When in recovery for an addiction, people are undoubtedly in some form of mental discomfort and stress.

Humor makes us feel lighter, it’s like the cliche—a breath of fresh air. It promotes positive feelings, and it combats fear by changing your perspective. Laughter creates space between a situation and our reaction to it. It can help us realize and integrate the thought —That was then, this is now. This helps to keep us in the present, which is where we belong.

Try conducting your own experiment by watching humorous videos that have gone viral, like the laughing man on the train or Lucille Ball’s famous Chocolate Factory scene. Did the laughter make you feel better? See, your recovery doesn’t have to be hard all the time!

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/humor-in-recovery/

What if My Family Isn’t Supportive of My Recovery?

Some family members aren’t going to be able to offer you support after you leave a rehab facility. They may harbor anger and resentment for all the pain and suffering you might have caused them while you were actively in the throws of an addiction. You want them to believe that you’ve changed, but they refuse to even see you. If that’s the case, it’s probably a good idea to give these loved ones time and space. They, too, may be in the midst of their own healing process.

Your therapist and you will discuss your aftercare support before you leave the rehab. Traditional fellowship groups like AA and NA are located in most towns across the country, but you probably already know this. By attending one of these meetings, you can meet people and ask around about other meetings in your area for support. Getting a sponsor is proven support and helpful for maintaining your sobriety.

You have friends, but they may be fearful of hanging out with you. They too may need time away from you depending upon how your previous behavior affected them. There may be some friends, however, willing to sit down with you. They may want to know what support you have in mind, what it looks like. You might decide to let them know they don’t have to do anything except listen. Having friends outside fellowship meetings is important for widening your scope and reintegrating into the world as a sober person.

Support can come from unexpected places, like the waitress at the local coffee shop. You’ve seen her at a few meetings. The exchange you have with her at the coffee shop can be a nod of recognition, or a few pleasantries mixed in with a fellowship slogan. This simple engagement is a form of support. Recovering people are everywhere. They don’t have to be your friends, but just knowing they are there, can provide you with an invisible safety net.

Your support system can build upon time. You have to get to know people, see them on a regular basis in order to trust them. Hopefully, if you are just out of rehab, you have a therapist you see every week or every other week. She or he are part of your support system. Your MD or PCP need to be part of your recovery team. You might want to look up and connect with a high school or college buddy. Everytime you reach out and make a connection with someone, you are strengthening your support system. Reaching out is about building confidence within!

“No person, trying to take responsibility for her or his identity, should have to be so alone. There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors.”― Adrienne Rich

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/what-if-my-family-isnt-supportive-of-my-recovery/

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Obdurate Behavior in Recovery

Here you are in recovery for an addiction. Your family has practically disowned you, it’s been months since any of your friends called, your kids never answer your phone calls, and you feel like a complete failure. All is not lost. You can be in the worst state of your life from living in a drug den to sleeping on city street grates, or going to work each day and getting inebriated or high every night. There are no tricks, magic wands or devices to lift you up. There are people out there who want to help you recover from the devastation of addiction. Your job is to reach out to them, not block their good intentions.

You can reach out to fellowship groups, therapists and rehabs, but first you have to want recovery. Of course I want recovery, you may say, but then don’t follow through with therapy appointments, attend recovery meetings on a regular basis, or follow any suggestions. So what is it that’s impeding you? Why are you resistant to persuadance?

Perhaps it’s the addiction itself, the craving. The meetings aren’t helping with your craving. On billboards everywhere, there’s a beautiful woman sipping a martini, or men around a campfire banging back beers. Advertising, as well as what addiction does to your brain, tries to convince you to continue consumption. If you drink this, you will get the beautiful woman or the heeman, but better still, all your troubles and pain will vanish. It’s not true.

Your obdurate behavior may be a defense mechanism, but isn’t it time to let go of it, open up and trust others—get with the program so to speak? You have to be the one who wants a better life. All the persuading and empirical evidence about what helps people with an addiction won’t work unless you want it to work. Perhaps you are afraid of withdrawal, or facing your family, friends or peers again. That’s understandable, but you can get guidance and support.

Going to a rehab can help you understand addiction. You’ll be in a safe environment, too. Nobody in recovery has an easy time of it. You’re one of hundreds of thousands, but you’re no less worthy of what recovery can give to your future sober life.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/obdurate-behavior-in-recovery/

Why Me? I Come from a Good Family

Alcoholism and drug addiction are not dependent upon social status. You are not immune from addition because your mother is or was a corporate lawyer and your father the executive director of a worldwide nonprofit. It doesn’t matter if you are a Mayflower descendant, attended one of the top prep schools in the country or graduated from Yale. Your mother and father could have worked hard, and had three jobs just to put you through college. They drilled you about good manners and being polite to your elders. Anyone, from any background can become addicted to drugs and alcohol.

Whatever your assumptions about what constitutes a good family, they are most likely not going to help your why me attitude towards an addiction. Just like any mental or physical health concern, addiction can hit anyone. Addiction can be the result of trying to quell the effects of too much stress in your life. You can become addicted for underlying reasons you’re not even aware of yet. Your corporate parents might have had financial means beyond anyone you ever knew, but they were never home. The maid was the one who nurtured you.

When the mercedes gleams and runs well, why look under the hood? Since you are questioning the why of an addiction, it’s important to look under the hood. Looking under the hood, or into your life, for answers will help with your healing process, but first, it’s important to get the addiction under control. If you haven’t sought help already, it’s important for your safety to do so now. Not tomorrow, but now.

It won’t matter how successful a family you come from if you are in a casket. This may sound dramatic, but addiction kills thousands of people each year from heroin to alcoholism to opioid users. Whoever you are, whether you grew up on city streets or a mansion overlooking the ocean, you deserve to have a fulfilling, productive and joyful life. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. Recovery from an addiction takes time, but you can achieve a balance in your life again—free from addiction. Find a therapist and or go to a rehab for addiction. There you can give yourself the quality time in an environment free from distractions to begin the essential work of recovery.

“People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.” – Ramona L. Anderson

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/why-me-i-come-from-a-good-family/

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Waking Up to a New Day

When you wake up in the morning, you have an opportunity. Whether you are in rehab or at home, you can choose to start each day on a positive note. Take a few moments and feel your feet on the floor, feel your body breathing. If you used heroine, you could have died from the spike of fentanyl by illegal manufacturers. If you drank alcohol abusively, you could have ended up in the proverbial gutter and died from liver failure.

You are alive. You saved yourself by having the courage to combat substance abuse. No matter what problems or attenuating circumstances you face today from an addiction, remind yourself that you are alive. Your job today, is to write down a saying to be repeated every morning, and throughout the day. If you are down in the dumps, the words you use for the saying or daily meditation can be about how you’d like to feel, not how you actually feel.

Let your imagination go wild, I am the bravest person I know. I am humble, kind, loving and generous. I have a mission in life to live it to the fullest and help others who have suffered, too. I am grateful for my life, for each breath I take, for the stars and the moon and all the wonderful people in my life that I love so much. Don’t worry if you don’t believe what you’ve written, and think it’s corny and over-the-top—just do it!

Keep your saying beside your bed. Tell your spouse, loved one or roommate what you are going to do upon waking. This is so they can give your a moment of privacy, or at least quietude. Reading your message to yourself or out loud will only take a number of seconds. If you tend to forget reading it, put a sticky note on the bathroom mirror as a reminder.

Your daily saying can help your mind develop new neural pathways towards peace of mind and positive actions. It’s like the ole fall in the hole story. You walk out of the house and fall into the hole of gloom and doom. The next day, you walk out and try to avoid the hole, but you get too close to the edge and fall in. One day you walk out with a shovel and fill in the hole!

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/waking-up-to-a-new-day/

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotaging is when we get in our own way, perform self-defeating acts, or in today’s lingo, shoot ourselves in the foot. Self-sabotaging prevents us from achieving a goal we’ve set. It’s about setting ourselves up for failure. Although there are millions of ways to do it, the most common self-sabotaging behaviors are: procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort food consumption, and forms of self-injury such as cutting. So why do we try to sidewind our goals?

For one, some part of us doesn’t feel like we deserve to be successful. We can work exceptionally hard to achieve a goal and to make up for an inadequacy we perceive exists within us. When our work begins to show signs of paying off, like material, monetary, emotional rewards and gains—this is when we are prime for self sabotaging.

In general, we have consistent feelings, standards and ingrained belief systems about ourselves. These are hard to break, especially if we’ve been carrying them around for a long time, like since childhood. Getting close to success causes us discomfort, because the feelings are antithetical to how we perceive ourselves. We experience something called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is when we simultaneously hold two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values about ourselves. Self-sabotaging occurs because the part of ourselves that feels truly inadequate wins out.

Another reason for self-sabotaging has to do with control. If we have any inkling that we may not meet our goal, we take ourselves down, so others can’t. It hurts to do this, but not as much, we think, as if or when someone else takes the reins. In conjunction with control, there’s fear of being found. As our success mounts, so does our internal pressure system. Fear of failure takes hold as does feeling fraudulent, or like a phony. We just can’t stand the thought of being found out, so we quit, or opt out. Sadly, we cheat ourselves out of many situations and opportunities for joy, happiness and feeling accomplished.

Basically, we self-sabotage due to lack of or low self-esteem. It’s important for us to discover the roots of our low self-esteem. After doing that, hopefully with a therapist, we can begin rebuilding our self perceptions. We can begin to see ourselves for who we really are. We can start stacking up all the truths we know about ourselves, and head with alacrity towards our goals.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”

― Sharon Salzberg

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/why-do-we-self-sabotage/

Monday, November 26, 2018

What if I Have a Nervous Breakdown and Freak Out?

A nervous breakdown is a catchall phrase used to describe a period of intense mental distress in which one is unable to function normally in their everyday life. Today’s mental health professionals and clinicians, don’t use the term nervous breakdown anymore. Their attention is focused on finding the cause of a person’s distress. These can include depression, anxiety, acute stress, panic disorder, or schizophrenia, among other possibilities.

A mental health deregulation can happen to anyone, so paying attention to yourself or your loved ones emotions and behaviors is important for prevention. An undiagnosed disorder could make your life unmanageable.

There are a number of signs to look for in order to prevent the impact of a time-limited mental health disruption. Not only can you notice the signs, but you can take preventative action, too.

Your mental health may be in jeopardy if you don’t allow yourself any downtime. You just rush from one thing to the next, with no time or space, sometimes for even a meal. You have difficulty making everyday decisions like what to wear to work, or what to eat for breakfast. You have a hard time concentrating or focusing on a project. You don’t want to be around anyone, so you isolate as much as possible. If someone asks how you are feeling, you divert the conversation of say, fine, I’m fine.

When you have insomnia you may run on a short fuse, snap at others, and have a poor perspective. You start planning escape routes, because you’ve lost your ability to cope, to say no, and to take care of yourself. You could experience panic attacks, intense fear that comes out of nowhere. You’re moody, out of balance, light one minute, in a rage the next. Everything you do seems to work against you. Somewhere inside you know things are out of control and you take failure as your middle name. Hope is farthest from your mind, you are helpless and numb.

If you recognize any of these thoughts and feelings, it is very important to ask for help. Talk to a friend or loved one and tell them what’s been going on with you. Immediately contact your GP or PCP, and follow up on recommendations for a good therapist.

“Learn to deal with the fact that you are not a perfect person but you are a person that deserves respect and honesty.”―Pandora Poikilos

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/what-if-i-have-a-nervous-breakdown-and-freak-out/

Rigidity Versus Opening Up in Therapy

You’ve met your therapist, and perhaps been to a few sessions. The subject keeps coming back to your past, and you tell the therapist, I don’t want to talk about my past, I want to deal with the present situation I’m in. Perhaps your therapist specializes in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). She or he has met with you for quite a while, and the subject of trying EMDR comes up in a session. You say, I’ve heard great things about EMDR, but it’s for people with greater problems than I have, and besides, I like talk therapy.

Let’s say you go to therapy because you are in recovery from an addiction, and are extremely depressed. To get you a bit normalized and unstuck, your therapist suggests you ask your PCP for an antidepressant prescription. You remind the therapist that you are already struggling with addiction, and don’t want to add another drug to your system, and besides, it probably won’t do any good.

There are many circumstances in therapy in which you may bawk, dig your heels in, and be inflexible with a suggestion, discussion or question. Why do you think that is? Could it be an underlying fear? Could your fear be from the unknown, a loss of control, the expectation of too much emotional pain, or that you’re going to lose it forever if you take a certain step?

Ask yourself if the reason you don’t want to follow a suggestion is from fear. Ask yourself, what are you gaining or getting from being miserable? What your therapist asks is assuredly not like jumping into the wild surf during a hurricane, or having a shrimp cocktail when you are allergic to shellfish. Therapists don’t ask random questions or make random suggestions. They have an ethical responsibility for your safety, and have your best interests and ultimate healing in mind. They have worked hard to earn your trust.

Certainly, trying something new can be fear inducing. Think what it took for you to admit to your family that you have an addiction, or the courage it took to go to a rehab. When you come up against inflexibility, try mustering some of your great courage by challenging yourself. Dab your big toe in the water—open up a bit, give yourself a chance to heal. You can do it!

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/rigidity-versus-opening-up-in-therapy/

Friday, November 23, 2018

Tips on Resiliency in Recovery

The news is fraught with incidences of tragic and horrific events on a national and local level. When something difficult hits home, like the death of a loved one, a serious disease like drug addiction and alcoholism, many people react to these circumstances with a flood of strong emotions and a sense of uncertainty. Yet, we can and do heal from all sorts of difficult and tragic events that disrupt our lives. Though we don’t forget the tragedy or the impact they have had on us, we are nonetheless able to tap into resources that help us adapt.

Getting through the stress and residue of hardship involves resilience. Resilience is a process that necessitates time, effort and taking action.

Consider the connections made at a funeral. There, we encounter family members whom we haven’t seen in years. Reconnecting with family, and connecting with friends during hard times can help dissipate momentus pain. Accepting help and support from those who care about us and who listen well, can strengthen our resilience. In addition to close friends and family, some find being active in social groups provides them with support, and they begin to fill in their lives with margins of hope. Support groups for addiction help foster connection, hope and resiliency, too.

We can try to see our personal crisis as something surmountable, rather than a constant blockade to peace of mind. We often can’t prevent our initial reactions to difficulty, nor, in many cases, could we have prevented the event. We can, over time, alter how we respond to these events. Thinking beyond the present to how future circumstances may unfold and be a little easier can help. Trying to be present to nuances of change will help too. Did I just laugh? I haven’t laughed for over two months!

In recovery, we have heard about acceptance over and over again. Though some of our endeavors and dreams may have changed due to an addiction, acceptance can help. Acceptance is like having a well-oiled key, as it gains us access to action and therefore, resiliency. Through time, rest and work, we may realize options are available to us, along with new channels of opportunity in which to explore.

Becoming resilient in recovery can be further garnered by developing a few realistic and attainable goals. When we undertake something on a regular basis, no matter how simple, and accomplish it, we are more likely to try again tomorrow. Hence, we develop a pattern of positive activity that adds to our resiliency.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/tips-on-resiliency-in-recovery/

What Diagnoses are Common with Addiction?

Alcoholism abuse is associated with a number of mental health concerns. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) has the closest link to alcoholism. When compared to people who don’t have alcoholism, people who do are 21 times more likely to deal with ASPD. The two disorders often develop early in life. Alcoholism can make the ASPD worse, as intoxicated people might have lowered inhibitions, which makes their antisocial behaviors more prevalent.

People who have schizophrenia can develop addictions. A study in the American Journal of Psychiatry makes the assertion that about half of all the people with schizophrenia also struggle with an addiction. What was found to be particularly noteworthy is the association between marijuana abuse and schizophrenia. The reasons behind this are unclear though some theories suggest marijuana may produce some of the same symptoms experienced in the middle of a schizophrenic episode.

Cocaine addiction and anxiety disorders are linked to alcoholism because people who abuse cocaine often take the drug because it makes them feel euphoric and powerful. Continued abuse of cocaine can lead to symptoms more indicative of an anxiety disorder. These include: paranoia, hallucinations, suspicious behavior, Insomnia, and violence. It is believed that the aforementioned symptoms may fade away in people who have achieved lengthy sobriety. Though, even when sobriety has continued, the damage can sometimes linger.

Survivors of traumatic events, may be diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder due to their experience with serious physical and or emotional pain and injury. Physical injuries treated with prescription painkillers can lead a person to abuse the medications prescribed in their attempt to erase unpleasant memories and pain, and to experience euphoria. Likewise, alcohol abuse may be overly consumed to rid oneself of horrendous memories.

Heroin, in the short run, can make users feel exceptional pleasure. Long-time users may sabotage parts of the brain responsible for producing signals of pleasure. The user keeps going back for more and more to try and reproduce the original high from heroin. In time, and because of overuse, brain damage occurs that can lead to depression. Without the drug, users become incapable of feeling happiness. With a dual diagnosis, much can be done today in the service of alleviating pain and suffering, and making progress towards lasting sobriety.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/what-diagnoses-are-common-with-addiction/

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Sometimes it can seem like everything in your life is going haywire. If you’re a new age type, you might say of these times that Mercury is in retrograde. Mercury in retrograde is blamed for everything from technological bugs, business deals gone awry, miscommunication, mechanical and electrical failures or issues like with your car and electronics. Astrologers explain that Mercury turning from west to east instead (retrograde) is actually an illusion. This is not to saying that when things don’t go your way it’s an illusion.

An illusion in some of us hold is that we can control everything. When our illusion of ultimate control is disproved it can cause us to be annoyed, angry and irritable. This is normal, for who isn’t annoyed by car problems or electric failures, along with the hassle of repairs and the expense. Being in recovery can ramp up our irritability. We couldn’t control an addiction, and now all these others situations are stressing us out.

Being in recovery gives us an opportunity to take a different view of difficulties, and our reaction to them. We know well about acceptance, since we’ve had to accept the harsh reality of an addiction—the thing that held us hostage and wrecked our lives—till now. Like we said before, it’s normal to be annoyed when things don’t go our way. We get to be annoyed and disgruntled, and we get to make a choice not to belabor our feelings. It’s like the ole Serenity Prayer—accept the things we cannot change . . .

When we make the decision to get on with it, and take care of the problem, we turn a negative situation into a positive action. Acceptance and taking action are positive steps, but sometimes in recovery, things seem like an approaching tidal wave, and can make us feel like escaping. We know the danger escape can pose to our hard-won sobriety. That’s when we need to talk to the level-headed friends we’ve made through our addiction recovery group. They can support and encourage us to keep the focus on our recovery and reinforce our already established ability to get through tough times. Just because we got sober doesn’t mean problems and irritating things won’t occur. It does mean that we can handle them in a manner that leaves us in a more positive frame of mind.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/when-things-dont-go-your-way/

Why Does the Truth Hurt So Much?

The truth hurts because it makes us confront something to which we’ve been in denial. Think about when you first entered the rehab or your first AA or NA meeting. You might have felt dejected, angry, ashamed or any number of other emotions. The truth can hurt because you feel exposed.

Perhaps you don’t want to feel at fault, but when the truth roles in with the tide, you can be pulled down by the undercurrent of denial. Addiction is rampant with denial—it’s the cell, the lock and key—all in one. It’s a scary feeling. You’ve lost your footing, it can be hard to breathe. Now, you think, what am I going to do? You may not want to face the truth and think, How can I get out of this? The thing is, you can’t get out of it. It’s already seeped into your psyche.

You may have heard the expression, the only way out is through. Whatever it is that you are afraid of, is what you have to face. In matters of addiction, you used all your energy trying to fool others and yourself that you didn’t have a problem. Shame hurts, acceptance hurts, but now that the truth is out, there’s this great spirited thing called hope!

In addition to facing the truth of an addiction, you may one day realize you are a trauma survivor. When horrific things happen, your body uses its coping mechanisms. It takes the event by the hand and pulls it into the recesses of your mind, so you don’t have to feel it. When working with a therapist on addiction issues, you might release a few memories. They could float up and pop. Oh my God, this can’t be true, I hate this thought, what am I ever going to do to get rid of these terrible feelings? The truth hurts because it can feel like the unknown— unknown waters, unknown territory, quicksand, and tidal waves.

When the truth hurts, acknowledge it. Work with a therapist to understand all its parameters, consequences and meaning. The more you face the truth, the less it will hurt. Depending upon its scope, healing from emotional pain can take time, just like recovery from an addiction. The two can be interwoven, but you can take all the time you need. That’s because you are alive and in recovery and moving forward with your valuable life.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/why-does-the-truth-hurt-so-much/

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Is My Recovery Really Selfish?

You heard someone say the program you are in is a selfish one. This might make you wonder if all that you are doing for yourself; the meetings, group therapy, therapy and even rehab can be construed as selfish behavior. You might already have enough angst about the progress of your recovery without thinking of it as selfish.

Perhaps you jumped on the notion of selfishness because your mother or father always said you were a selfish child, and you owned that criticism. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, selfish means lacking consideration for others; and; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. A child naturally thinks the world revolves around him or her. There are teachable moments when parents can demonstrate for their children what selfishness looks like.

When caught in the talons of addiction, you might not have been the most considerate person. In fact, addiction could have made you selfish. All you thought about was how, when or where you were going to get your next fix or drink, but getting sober is far from selfish!

Your childhood experience with selfishness, highlighted by a recovery program slogan, or memories about selfishness when in active addiction, doesn’t have to be turned into a self-sabotaging moment. Many people in recovery are not proud of the things they did before sobriety. What you can do is own your old stuff and take responsibility to ensure you’ll stay sober. You can also take steps to make amends to those who may have been hurt by behaviors brought on as a result of addiction.

You can’t change anything until you are aware of it. Issues arrive in recovery when you are ready to handle them. A friend or a fellow in a meeting may say something that triggers an awareness about your own personality or a behavior. There it is right out in the open. Someone has been brutally honest about how neglectful they were to their family during their drinking days. Ouch, you think, so was I. I was so demanding of my kids. They couldn’t do anything right! Oh, my poor kids, how can I ever make it up to them? You can, and you will when the time is right. You’ll know.

“Selfishness comes from poverty in the heart, from the belief that love is not abundant.”—Don Miguel Ruiz

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/is-my-recovery-really-selfish/

Romance at the Rehab

What better place to find a love partner than in the safety net of a rehab for addiction, right? You know you’re at the rehab for a very important reason—to treat an addiction, and in doing so, to save your life. While attractions can naturally happen at the rehab, pursuing an intimate, love relationship is highly discouraged. Still, consenting adults may not understand what’s at stake, and break the rules. An attraction for a counselor can also occur.

When you feel romantic notions towards another at the rehab, there are a few things you can do to deter you from taking action. Talk to a friend you’ve made, and tell them what’s going on with you. They may have the capacity and care for you to reinforce the reasons why romance and sexual encounters are not a good idea. For one, they are a huge distraction. Keeping focussed on your treatment program needs to be your number one priority. Whatever your preference, why muck it all up spending time thinking about a man or a woman instead of your treasured recovery?

What if you enter into a fling with someone who’s married? You may have left your scruples in all the empty alcohol bottles, needles or straws, but things are different now. Along with putting down the substance of your choice, lasting recovery requires you to make changes in your behavior and attitude. That old adage, think before you act, has merit here.

Take your crush and think about the consequences if you act upon an inclination. Remember, it’s the first drink that get you drunk, and, romantic endeavors are a slip of judgment that can waylay your treatment. The person you have your eyes on could be someone who’s not committed to sobriety or drug abstinence. They could just be at the rehab to please their employer, spouse and or children. You don’t really know.

After you’ve spoken with a friend, follow up with your assigned therapist when next you meet. Doing so can help fortify the real reason you are at the rehab. Secret rendezvous, and really, secrets of any kind can work against you. Getting sober is not about cheating yourself out of the precious time you spend learning about addiction and yourself. It’s about honestly dealing with yourself and others. There will come a time in your future for falling in love. Wouldn’t it be better to have a solid sober foundation first? Of course it would.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/romance-at-the-rehab/

Monday, November 19, 2018

What Helps to Break the Pattern of Depression?

Not all therapists use the same strategies for dealing with your depression. Notice the ownership language used in the first sentence, your depression. Does this sound familiar? Hi, I’m Bill, or Jane, and I’m an alcoholic. This kind of language puts an adhesive label on you. I am a depressed person, and or, I am an alcoholic. Instead of using a label, consider saying, I am a person who suffers from depression; I am a person with an addiction. How language is used can shift your perspective.

Your therapist and you may investigate what’s driving the narrative that is keeping you depressed, and keeping it alive? What is the pattern that’s holding you captive? Let’s say you got poor grades in high school, but you applied to colleges with the hope of getting in to one of your choices. You were accepted to one, but the financial package offered didn’t help enough. You ask your parents for financial assistance, but they were divorced and couldn’t help.

One disappointment can snowball to the point where you lose perspective, and begin thinking you are a failure. From that point on, your focus is inward—I’ve failed, my parents won’t help, I’m never going to amount to anything, and so forth.

Reframing a story you repeat to yourself is one way to help break the pattern of depression. Instead of concluding with failure, write a new story with empathy for yourself. My grades were poor in school because my parents fought all the time. I did the best I could to get myself a college education, and I don’t have to give up. I can look into taking a few college level courses at the local university, and explore my options. By connecting to the outside, rather than connecting to the inside of oneself, one’s perspective and narrative can change. It’s action focused rather than inward focus.

Low motivation often times hangs on the arms of depression, and can be a roadblock to action. Make a list of 100 things that give you, or once gave you the slightest degree or more of pleasure. For instance, a bird’s call, blue sky, a flower, the deep red in the carpet, your compound miter saw, or playing tennis on clay courts. By making the list, you are engendering positive emotions. Positive emotions can jump start your life again.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/what-helps-to-break-the-pattern-of-depression/

Silver Linings in Recovery

From your perspective, silver linings in recovery might seem like a ridiculous notion. Your personal story of substance abuse, and its consequences is enough to sink the proverbial Titanic. In fact, even though you’re in recovery, you feel as if you’re on the ship. The silver lining or linings may not be know to you now, but it doesn’t mean they won’t show themselves at one point in time or another.

When you’re in recovery, you may be healing from many wounds: old wounds from childhood, self-deprecating wounds you laid on yourself for having an addiction, or for neglecting and hurting family members verbally, physically or worse, wounds from war or environmental disasters or a car accident which left you seriously hurt with doctor’s bills you can’t afford. Whatever the wounds may be, they are real and alive in you, but they don’t always have to have power over you like alcohol once did.

You might question, what’s this business of a silver lining in recovery? A silver lining can manifest in any number of ways. This is where time, intention and patience enter into the picture. Time heals all wounds; time management will help my productivity in life; and time is on my side, are just a few thoughts about time. However, an important part of recovery is understanding that it takes time to heal well. Recovery takes patience with yourself and others. Lasting recovery necessitates a clear intention to change our negative behaviors and attitudes into positive ones.

A standard line of thinking is once you have an addiction to alcohol, you always have it. There are some in recovery who profess they are actually glad to have the disease of alcoholism. Here’s where the silver lining enters. When one says they are glad, they are referring to the benefits from recovery they never would have had or felt if they hadn’t first had an addiction to alcohol. People who work on their recovery change.

Silver linings are different for each person, with one steady parameter—they learn how to live life on life’s terms. Sure, difficult times come and go, but being able to handle them without a drink or a substitute is one bright silver lining. Change allows for new visions, goal setting, personal growth in areas like self esteem, acceptance and motivation. Keep up the rewarding and sometimes difficult work of self discovery. See the silver linings for yourself!

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/silver-linings-in-recovery/

Friday, November 16, 2018

How to Normalize Your Sobriety

Perhaps right now you are making aftercare plans at the rehab where you’ve spent the last 28 days. At first you didn’t even want to go there—you didn’t need addiction recovery, right? Maybe you knew you needed to go, but the thought of spending 28 days with strangers, while you faced an addiction, seemed overwhelming and scary.

Here you are ready to leave the rehab, and the reversal could be true. That is, you don’t want to leave this safe environment. You’ve made close friends, shared your hopes, dreams, fears, regrets and shame with them. The thought of walking out into the world feels frightening. The fear you’re feeling may be the fear of the unknown, but your counselor is not going to let you down. You’ve spent a lot of time working on your coping skills, you know what meeting you are going to attend the minute you arrive home, and you’ve lined up a therapist.

You’ve gotten yourself sober. You had that courage, and you can find the courage to take the next big step towards normal living. Is there really any such thing as normal living, normal people, normal employment, and fairness, and opportunities? You’ve heard people say, it’s all what you make of it. You can leave the rehab by starting out with an attitude of gratitude.

Try to experience each sober moment. I’m on the plane flying home now. The flight attendant is offering drinks. I don’t need one, and I don’t want one! The plane lands. My girlfriend is waiting for me outside the gate. I can choose not to feel ashamed about where I’ve been. I can choose to be proud of what I’ve accomplished, my perspective, how valuable life is now, how grateful I am that she is there smiling at me. The airport is hectic and noisy. I can focus on my breathing.

I already have a list of my priorities for sober living, and I remind myself that I have choices. I can look for a new position, but I don’t have to rush. I don’t have to please everyone anymore, and, I can be kind. I’m not perfect. I’m going to make mistakes. Love, kindness, generosity, gratitude, acceptance are values I hold dear.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/how-to-normalize-your-sobriety/

A Gentle Approach to Ease Anxiety and Depression

The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICAMB) recently published a five minute video on how two simple and gentle actions can help with depression. The video highlights the work of Dr. Steven Hayes, PhD, founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

The premise, he relates, is connecting to your values, opening up to your thoughts, and also to contribution and play. He suggests to do one new thing everyday that is connected to your values. By values he doesn’t mean something grand, but he says, the quality of being and doing, as if it’s just a secret between you and the mirror. The second thing is to do one kind thing everyday. The kindness could be towards yourself of another. He says the kindness should not be what would gain applause, and that it would be even better, if it you played a sort of game to not get caught doing the kind act.

These two steps have the ability to orient one to what they want in life and how they want to connect with others. The emphasis on going to your work, for example, could be about doing or making something that someone else needs, rather than doing it for making money.

The inroad is drawing attention to what brings meaning and purpose to your life, by doing one new thing everyday and one kind thing. These acts soften the approach to feeling better, and provide a way forward. The way forward is not about personal judgements and heaviness like, I have to do this, white knuckle it and fight my way out of the depression and anxiety.

Dr. Hayes says that depressed people worry about what others think about them. They are very hard on themselves about their depression. When working with certain women and men he found that they were brought up to be good little girls, and good little boys. The focus of doing good was for the benefit or approval of the parents. The idea to connect to the joy of others and doing for others brings about a whole different emphasis than with childhood training. Joy can now be found, by bringing it to others and connecting with your own values and purpose.

from
https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/a-gentle-approach-to-ease-anxiety-and-depression/