Good Days and Bad Days

With Spring here at last, and knowing it is a time of renewal, you are beginning to feel better. If you’re home, and a gardener, you’ve probably bought your seeds, and started them indoors until the weather is just right for outdoor planting. It’s a great time of year. Your meetings are going well, and you’ve made new friends. The joy of living, like your seeds, is sprouting and growing.

Family members, whom you thought would never want to see you again, call to invite you over for a meal. You still harbor a considerable amount of shame and guilt, but you are working on those issues in therapy. Unearthing things about yourself that led you to addiction has been both painful and helpful.

Your life is going so well, it seems nothing can go wrong. You’ve heard the term, two steps forward, one step back, but are not prepared for the back step when it hits. Your company, the one that was so understanding about your one-month leave for rehab, is shutting down the office where you work. The severance package they offer is insulting.

You are devastated, and all the personal work you’ve done on yourself seems irrelevant. It seems like a bad movie, but it’s not funny. The disappointment you feel from losing your job turns to rage, and then the rage turns inward. It calls to you, self-destruct, self-destruct, and you think, wouldn’t a drink taste good right now?!

In recovery, you can have both good and bad days, because that’s how life works. There’s no free lunch, but turning your back on yourself and retreating to dangerous considerations, isn’t a going to remedy your feelings or situation. Deep down, you know this, so gratefully you leave the liquor store empty-handed, get in your car and call your sponsor or a good friend also in recovery.

When those inevitable bad days come again, and you are tempted to self-destruct, take a walk. Specifically, take a walk in your mind and visualize the downward spiral to where just one drink or drug will lead. That path doesn’t look hopeful does it? Living life on life’s terms takes practice for those in recovery for an addiction, but you’ll get there with growing aw

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We provide medical support, detox, and other help such as building life skills. Through individualized programs we help you move forward in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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Why Couldn’t I See How Much Harm I Was Causing My Family?

Fathoming the pain you caused a loved can be difficult to ascertain when you are in the active claws of addiction. Addiction alters the reality sensors in your brain. You can watch your own unkind and destructive behavior, unfold as if someone else is in control. You may see that you are harming a loved one, and not even care, or not be able to stop yourself.

The heartbreaking truth is, with addiction, the drugs, and or alcohol always have to come first. They own you. This is compounded by the blindfold of denial, of which the disease is also responsible. When you begin to recover from an addiction, you may feel deep shame for previous actions. Through drug and alcoholism education you can gain an understanding as to why you acted the way you did.

Feeling your emotions is a starting point. You’re not going to forgive yourself, if you can’t feel your emotions. This can be especially true if you loop them off, or run and hide every time the subject of your family and loved ones comes up. People in recovery have to learn to feel again. It’s not easy, but it will be Ok.

Feelings aren’t the enemy. They give you feedback about what’s going on within you. Feelings are messages from your core self that inform how you are doing. As such, there really are no bad feelings. They are either on the range of comfortable or uncomfortable. Difficult feelings ask you to go to the source of the trouble and take action. It’s like having a dream in which you’re doing what you don’t want to do. Your subconscious, the feeling part of your mind, tells you what you need to do. During waking hours, the subconscious, speaks out in the form of feelings. It tries to tell you there’s something important that you can’t ignore or deny.

There are many steps in recovery. Learning why you behaved the way you did, is just one. Others steps include self compassion and forgiveness. It’s important to be patient with the process of your recovery and not beat yourself up. You have a whole new life ahead in which wonderful things can happen with your effort.

“Not causing harm requires staying awake. Part of being awake is slowing down enough to notice what we say and do. The more we witness our emotional chain reactions and understand how they work, the easier it is to refrain. It becomes a way of life to stay awake, slow down, and notice.”—Pema Chodron

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We aim to provide a space where you can find out how and why you have struggled with addiction. Our therapeutic and medical support are just one of the tools we provide to help set you up for success in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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Humor In Recovery

Recovery from substance abuse is serious business, but we can’t be all nose to the grindstone every waking minute. Can you think of a time when you were so focussed on a project at work or at home, that you lost your sense of humor. Perhaps you became irritable with others and impatience with yourself. When you focus on nothing but the project you can lose site of the bigger picture.

Humor in recovery gives you a reprieve from the serious work you’re doing. Walk into any AA or NA meeting and you’ll hear laughter. People in recovery learn to laugh at themselves. They enjoy hearing the mistakes and patterns that others discuss. They laugh, because what others say, reminds them of themselves. Laughter is a universal language that promotes comradeship and bonding with others.

Nothing’s funny, you say. If you are new to recovery, and are annoyed by the laughter in the room, consider just letting the annoyance flow through you. Humor can’t be forced, but given time and listening to shared experiences may open you up to it. Humor can release tension in your body, and that is an important element to healing.

A team of Swiss researchers reported that laughter and humor can increase pain tolerance and improve quality of life. According to Thomas Benz (RehaClinic Zurzach, Switzerland), targeted humor interventions should be part of pain therapy. A possible explanation for the pain reduction could be that humor activates the release of endorphins and relieves muscular tension. Thus the effect on pain is both at a mental and physical level. When in recovery for an addiction, people are undoubtedly in some form of mental discomfort and stress.

Humor makes us feel lighter, it’s like the cliche—a breath of fresh air. It promotes positive feelings, and it combats fear by changing your perspective. Laughter creates space between a situation and our reaction to it. It can help us realize and integrate the thought —That was then, this is now. This helps to keep us in the present, which is where we belong.

Try conducting your own experiment by watching humorous videos that have gone viral, like the laughing man on the train or Lucille Ball’s famous Chocolate Factory scene. Did the laughter make you feel better? See, your recovery doesn’t have to be hard all the time!

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We provide medical support, detox, and other help such as building life skills. Through individualized programs we help you move forward in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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What if My Family Isn’t Supportive of My Recovery?

Some family members aren’t going to be able to offer you support after you leave a rehab facility. They may harbor anger and resentment for all the pain and suffering you might have caused them while you were actively in the throws of an addiction. You want them to believe that you’ve changed, but they refuse to even see you. If that’s the case, it’s probably a good idea to give these loved ones time and space. They, too, may be in the midst of their own healing process.

Your therapist and you will discuss your aftercare support before you leave the rehab. Traditional fellowship groups like AA and NA are located in most towns across the country, but you probably already know this. By attending one of these meetings, you can meet people and ask around about other meetings in your area for support. Getting a sponsor is proven support and helpful for maintaining your sobriety.

You have friends, but they may be fearful of hanging out with you. They too may need time away from you depending upon how your previous behavior affected them. There may be some friends, however, willing to sit down with you. They may want to know what support you have in mind, what it looks like. You might decide to let them know they don’t have to do anything except listen. Having friends outside fellowship meetings is important for widening your scope and reintegrating into the world as a sober person.

Support can come from unexpected places, like the waitress at the local coffee shop. You’ve seen her at a few meetings. The exchange you have with her at the coffee shop can be a nod of recognition, or a few pleasantries mixed in with a fellowship slogan. This simple engagement is a form of support. Recovering people are everywhere. They don’t have to be your friends, but just knowing they are there, can provide you with an invisible safety net.

Your support system can build upon time. You have to get to know people, see them on a regular basis in order to trust them. Hopefully, if you are just out of rehab, you have a therapist you see every week or every other week. She or he are part of your support system. Your MD or PCP need to be part of your recovery team. You might want to look up and connect with a high school or college buddy. Everytime you reach out and make a connection with someone, you are strengthening your support system. Reaching out is about building confidence within!

“No person, trying to take responsibility for her or his identity, should have to be so alone. There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors.”― Adrienne Rich

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We aim to provide a space where you can find out how and why you have struggled with addiction. Our therapeutic and medical support are just one of the tools we provide to help set you up for success in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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Obdurate Behavior in Recovery

Here you are in recovery for an addiction. Your family has practically disowned you, it’s been months since any of your friends called, your kids never answer your phone calls, and you feel like a complete failure. All is not lost. You can be in the worst state of your life from living in a drug den to sleeping on city street grates, or going to work each day and getting inebriated or high every night. There are no tricks, magic wands or devices to lift you up. There are people out there who want to help you recover from the devastation of addiction. Your job is to reach out to them, not block their good intentions.

You can reach out to fellowship groups, therapists and rehabs, but first you have to want recovery. Of course I want recovery, you may say, but then don’t follow through with therapy appointments, attend recovery meetings on a regular basis, or follow any suggestions. So what is it that’s impeding you? Why are you resistant to persuadance?

Perhaps it’s the addiction itself, the craving. The meetings aren’t helping with your craving. On billboards everywhere, there’s a beautiful woman sipping a martini, or men around a campfire banging back beers. Advertising, as well as what addiction does to your brain, tries to convince you to continue consumption. If you drink this, you will get the beautiful woman or the heeman, but better still, all your troubles and pain will vanish. It’s not true.

Your obdurate behavior may be a defense mechanism, but isn’t it time to let go of it, open up and trust others—get with the program so to speak? You have to be the one who wants a better life. All the persuading and empirical evidence about what helps people with an addiction won’t work unless you want it to work. Perhaps you are afraid of withdrawal, or facing your family, friends or peers again. That’s understandable, but you can get guidance and support.

Going to a rehab can help you understand addiction. You’ll be in a safe environment, too. Nobody in recovery has an easy time of it. You’re one of hundreds of thousands, but you’re no less worthy of what recovery can give to your future sober life.

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We provide medical support, detox, and other help such as building life skills. Through individualized programs we help you move forward in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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Why Me? I Come from a Good Family

Alcoholism and drug addiction are not dependent upon social status. You are not immune from addition because your mother is or was a corporate lawyer and your father the executive director of a worldwide nonprofit. It doesn’t matter if you are a Mayflower descendant, attended one of the top prep schools in the country or graduated from Yale. Your mother and father could have worked hard, and had three jobs just to put you through college. They drilled you about good manners and being polite to your elders. Anyone, from any background can become addicted to drugs and alcohol.

Whatever your assumptions about what constitutes a good family, they are most likely not going to help your why me attitude towards an addiction. Just like any mental or physical health concern, addiction can hit anyone. Addiction can be the result of trying to quell the effects of too much stress in your life. You can become addicted for underlying reasons you’re not even aware of yet. Your corporate parents might have had financial means beyond anyone you ever knew, but they were never home. The maid was the one who nurtured you.

When the mercedes gleams and runs well, why look under the hood? Since you are questioning the why of an addiction, it’s important to look under the hood. Looking under the hood, or into your life, for answers will help with your healing process, but first, it’s important to get the addiction under control. If you haven’t sought help already, it’s important for your safety to do so now. Not tomorrow, but now.

It won’t matter how successful a family you come from if you are in a casket. This may sound dramatic, but addiction kills thousands of people each year from heroin to alcoholism to opioid users. Whoever you are, whether you grew up on city streets or a mansion overlooking the ocean, you deserve to have a fulfilling, productive and joyful life. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. Recovery from an addiction takes time, but you can achieve a balance in your life again—free from addiction. Find a therapist and or go to a rehab for addiction. There you can give yourself the quality time in an environment free from distractions to begin the essential work of recovery.

“People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.” – Ramona L. Anderson

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We aim to provide a space where you can find out how and why you have struggled with addiction. Our therapeutic and medical support are just one of the tools we provide to help set you up for success in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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Waking Up to a New Day

When you wake up in the morning, you have an opportunity. Whether you are in rehab or at home, you can choose to start each day on a positive note. Take a few moments and feel your feet on the floor, feel your body breathing. If you used heroine, you could have died from the spike of fentanyl by illegal manufacturers. If you drank alcohol abusively, you could have ended up in the proverbial gutter and died from liver failure.

You are alive. You saved yourself by having the courage to combat substance abuse. No matter what problems or attenuating circumstances you face today from an addiction, remind yourself that you are alive. Your job today, is to write down a saying to be repeated every morning, and throughout the day. If you are down in the dumps, the words you use for the saying or daily meditation can be about how you’d like to feel, not how you actually feel.

Let your imagination go wild, I am the bravest person I know. I am humble, kind, loving and generous. I have a mission in life to live it to the fullest and help others who have suffered, too. I am grateful for my life, for each breath I take, for the stars and the moon and all the wonderful people in my life that I love so much. Don’t worry if you don’t believe what you’ve written, and think it’s corny and over-the-top—just do it!

Keep your saying beside your bed. Tell your spouse, loved one or roommate what you are going to do upon waking. This is so they can give your a moment of privacy, or at least quietude. Reading your message to yourself or out loud will only take a number of seconds. If you tend to forget reading it, put a sticky note on the bathroom mirror as a reminder.

Your daily saying can help your mind develop new neural pathways towards peace of mind and positive actions. It’s like the ole fall in the hole story. You walk out of the house and fall into the hole of gloom and doom. The next day, you walk out and try to avoid the hole, but you get too close to the edge and fall in. One day you walk out with a shovel and fill in the hole!

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We provide medical support, detox, and other help such as building life skills. Through individualized programs we help you move forward in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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https://www.serenityoakswellness.com/blog/waking-up-to-a-new-day/