Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotaging is when we get in our own way, perform self-defeating acts, or in today’s lingo, shoot ourselves in the foot. Self-sabotaging prevents us from achieving a goal we’ve set. It’s about setting ourselves up for failure. Although there are millions of ways to do it, the most common self-sabotaging behaviors are: procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort food consumption, and forms of self-injury such as cutting. So why do we try to sidewind our goals?

For one, some part of us doesn’t feel like we deserve to be successful. We can work exceptionally hard to achieve a goal and to make up for an inadequacy we perceive exists within us. When our work begins to show signs of paying off, like material, monetary, emotional rewards and gains—this is when we are prime for self sabotaging.

In general, we have consistent feelings, standards and ingrained belief systems about ourselves. These are hard to break, especially if we’ve been carrying them around for a long time, like since childhood. Getting close to success causes us discomfort, because the feelings are antithetical to how we perceive ourselves. We experience something called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is when we simultaneously hold two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values about ourselves. Self-sabotaging occurs because the part of ourselves that feels truly inadequate wins out.

Another reason for self-sabotaging has to do with control. If we have any inkling that we may not meet our goal, we take ourselves down, so others can’t. It hurts to do this, but not as much, we think, as if or when someone else takes the reins. In conjunction with control, there’s fear of being found. As our success mounts, so does our internal pressure system. Fear of failure takes hold as does feeling fraudulent, or like a phony. We just can’t stand the thought of being found out, so we quit, or opt out. Sadly, we cheat ourselves out of many situations and opportunities for joy, happiness and feeling accomplished.

Basically, we self-sabotage due to lack of or low self-esteem. It’s important for us to discover the roots of our low self-esteem. After doing that, hopefully with a therapist, we can begin rebuilding our self perceptions. We can begin to see ourselves for who we really are. We can start stacking up all the truths we know about ourselves, and head with alacrity towards our goals.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”

― Sharon Salzberg

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We aim to provide a space where you can find out how and why you have struggled with addiction. Our therapeutic and medical support are just one of the tools we provide to help set you up for success in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526. 

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What if I Have a Nervous Breakdown and Freak Out?

A nervous breakdown is a catchall phrase used to describe a period of intense mental distress in which one is unable to function normally in their everyday life. Today’s mental health professionals and clinicians, don’t use the term nervous breakdown anymore. Their attention is focused on finding the cause of a person’s distress. These can include depression, anxiety, acute stress, panic disorder, or schizophrenia, among other possibilities.

A mental health deregulation can happen to anyone, so paying attention to yourself or your loved ones emotions and behaviors is important for prevention. An undiagnosed disorder could make your life unmanageable.

There are a number of signs to look for in order to prevent the impact of a time-limited mental health disruption. Not only can you notice the signs, but you can take preventative action, too.  

Your mental health may be in jeopardy if you don’t allow yourself any downtime. You just rush from one thing to the next, with no time or space, sometimes for even a meal. You have difficulty making everyday decisions like what to wear to work, or what to eat for breakfast. You have a hard time concentrating or focusing on a project. You don’t want to be around anyone, so you isolate as much as possible. If someone asks how you are feeling, you divert the conversation of say, fine, I’m fine.

When you have insomnia you may run on a short fuse, snap at others, and have a poor perspective. You start planning escape routes, because you’ve lost your ability to cope, to say no, and to take care of yourself. You could experience panic attacks, intense fear that comes out of nowhere. You’re moody, out of balance, light one minute, in a rage the next. Everything you do seems to work against you. Somewhere inside you know things are out of control and you take failure as your middle name. Hope is farthest from your mind, you are helpless and numb.

If you recognize any of these thoughts and feelings, it is very important to ask for help. Talk to a friend or loved one and tell them what’s been going on with you. Immediately contact your GP or PCP, and follow up on recommendations for a good therapist.

“Learn to deal with the fact that you are not a perfect person but you are a person that deserves respect and honesty.”―Pandora Poikilos

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We aim to provide a space where you can find out how and why you have struggled with addiction. Our therapeutic and medical support are just one of the tools we provide to help set you up for success in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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Rigidity Versus Opening Up in Therapy

You’ve met your therapist, and perhaps been to a few sessions. The subject keeps coming back to your past, and you tell the therapist, I don’t want to talk about my past, I want to deal with the present situation I’m in. Perhaps your therapist specializes in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). She or he has met with you for quite a while, and the subject of trying EMDR comes up in a session. You say, I’ve heard great things about EMDR, but it’s for people with greater problems than I have, and besides, I like talk therapy.  

Let’s say you go to therapy because you are in recovery from an addiction, and are extremely depressed. To get you a bit normalized and unstuck, your therapist suggests you ask your PCP for an antidepressant prescription. You remind the therapist that you are already struggling with addiction, and don’t want to add another drug to your system, and besides, it probably won’t do any good.  

There are many circumstances in therapy in which you may bawk, dig your heels in, and be inflexible with a suggestion, discussion or question. Why do you think that is? Could it be an underlying fear? Could your fear be from the unknown, a loss of control, the expectation of too much emotional pain, or that you’re going to lose it forever if you take a certain step?

Ask yourself if the reason you don’t want to follow a suggestion is from fear. Ask yourself, what are you gaining or getting from being miserable? What your therapist asks is assuredly not like jumping into the wild surf during a hurricane, or having a shrimp cocktail when you are allergic to shellfish. Therapists don’t ask random questions or make random suggestions. They have an ethical responsibility for your safety, and have your best interests and ultimate healing in mind. They have worked hard to earn your trust.

Certainly, trying something new can be fear inducing. Think what it took for you to admit to your family that you have an addiction, or the courage it took to go to a rehab. When you come up against inflexibility, try mustering some of your great courage by challenging yourself. Dab your big toe in the water—open up a bit, give yourself a chance to heal. You can do it!

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We provide medical support, detox, and other help such as building life skills. Through individualized programs we help you move forward in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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Tips on Resiliency in Recovery

The news is fraught with incidences of tragic and horrific events on a national and local level. When something difficult hits home, like the death of a loved one, a serious disease like drug addiction and alcoholism, many people react to these circumstances with a flood of strong emotions and a sense of uncertainty. Yet, we can and do heal from all sorts of difficult and tragic events that disrupt our lives. Though we don’t forget the tragedy or the impact they have had on us, we are nonetheless able to tap into resources that help us adapt.

Getting through the stress and residue of hardship involves resilience. Resilience is a process that necessitates time, effort and taking action.

Consider the connections made at a funeral. There, we encounter family members whom we haven’t seen in years. Reconnecting with family, and connecting with friends during hard times can help dissipate momentus pain. Accepting help and support from those who care about us and who listen well, can strengthen our resilience. In addition to close friends and family, some find being active in social groups provides them with support, and they begin to fill in their lives with margins of hope. Support groups for addiction help foster connection, hope and resiliency, too.

We can try to see our personal crisis as something surmountable, rather than a constant blockade to peace of mind. We often can’t prevent our initial reactions to difficulty, nor, in many cases, could we have prevented the event. We can, over time, alter how we respond to these events. Thinking beyond the present to how future circumstances may unfold and be a little easier can help. Trying to be present to nuances of change will help too. Did I just laugh? I haven’t laughed for over two months!

In recovery, we have heard about acceptance over and over again. Though some of our endeavors and dreams may have changed due to an addiction, acceptance can help. Acceptance is like having a well-oiled key, as it gains us access to action and therefore, resiliency. Through time, rest and work, we may realize options are available to us, along with new channels of opportunity in which to explore.

Becoming resilient in recovery can be further garnered by developing a few realistic and attainable goals. When we undertake something on a regular basis, no matter how simple, and accomplish it, we are more likely to try again tomorrow. Hence, we develop a pattern of positive activity that adds to our resiliency.

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We provide medical support, detox, and other help such as building life skills. Through individualized programs we help you move forward in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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What Diagnoses are Common with Addiction?

Alcoholism abuse is associated with a number of mental health concerns. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) has the closest link to alcoholism. When compared to people who don’t have alcoholism, people who do are 21 times more likely to deal with ASPD. The two disorders often develop early in life. Alcoholism can make the ASPD worse, as intoxicated people might have lowered inhibitions, which makes their antisocial behaviors more prevalent.

People who have schizophrenia can develop addictions. A study in the American Journal of Psychiatry makes the assertion that about half of all the people with schizophrenia also struggle with an addiction. What was found to be particularly noteworthy is the association between marijuana abuse and schizophrenia. The reasons behind this are unclear though some theories suggest marijuana may produce some of the same symptoms experienced in the middle of a schizophrenic episode.

Cocaine addiction and anxiety disorders are linked to alcoholism because people who abuse cocaine often take the drug because it makes them feel euphoric and powerful. Continued abuse of cocaine can lead to symptoms more indicative of an anxiety disorder. These include: paranoia, hallucinations, suspicious behavior, Insomnia, and violence. It is believed that the aforementioned symptoms may fade away in people who have achieved lengthy sobriety. Though, even when sobriety has continued, the damage can sometimes linger.

Survivors of traumatic events, may be diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder due to their experience with serious physical and or emotional pain and injury. Physical injuries treated with prescription painkillers can lead a person to abuse the medications prescribed in their attempt to erase unpleasant memories and pain, and to experience euphoria. Likewise, alcohol abuse may be overly consumed to rid oneself of horrendous memories.

Heroin, in the short run, can make users feel exceptional pleasure. Long-time users may sabotage parts of the brain responsible for producing signals of pleasure. The user keeps going back for more and more to try and reproduce the original high from heroin. In time, and because of overuse, brain damage occurs that can lead to depression. Without the drug, users become incapable of feeling happiness. With a dual diagnosis, much can be done today in the service of alleviating pain and suffering, and making progress towards lasting sobriety.

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We aim to provide a space where you can find out how and why you have struggled with addiction. Our therapeutic and medical support are just one of the tools we provide to help set you up for success in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Sometimes it can seem like everything in your life is going haywire. If you’re a new age type, you might say of these times that Mercury is in retrograde. Mercury in retrograde is blamed for everything from technological bugs, business deals gone awry, miscommunication, mechanical and electrical failures or issues like with your car and electronics. Astrologers explain that Mercury turning from west to east instead (retrograde) is actually an illusion. This is not to saying that when things don’t go your way it’s an illusion.

An illusion in some of us hold is that we can control everything. When our illusion of ultimate control is disproved it can cause us to be annoyed, angry and irritable. This is normal, for who isn’t annoyed by car problems or electric failures, along with the hassle of repairs and the expense. Being in recovery can ramp up our irritability. We couldn’t control an addiction, and now all these others situations are stressing us out.

Being in recovery gives us an opportunity to take a different view of difficulties, and our reaction to them. We know well about acceptance, since we’ve had to accept the harsh reality of an addiction—the thing that held us hostage and wrecked our lives—till now. Like we said before, it’s normal to be annoyed when things don’t go our way. We get to be annoyed and disgruntled, and we get to make a choice not to belabor our feelings. It’s like the ole Serenity Prayer—accept the things we cannot change . . .

When we make the decision to get on with it, and take care of the problem, we turn a negative situation into a positive action. Acceptance and taking action are positive steps, but sometimes in recovery, things seem like an approaching tidal wave, and can make us feel like escaping. We know the danger escape can pose to our hard-won sobriety. That’s when we need to talk to the level-headed friends we’ve made through our addiction recovery group. They can support and encourage us to keep the focus on our recovery and reinforce our already established ability to get through tough times. Just because we got sober doesn’t mean problems and irritating things won’t occur. It does mean that we can handle them in a manner that leaves us in a more positive frame of mind.

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We provide medical support, detox, and other help such as building life skills. Through individualized programs we help you move forward in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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Why Does the Truth Hurt So Much?

The truth hurts because it makes us confront something to which we’ve been in denial. Think about when you first entered the rehab or your first AA or NA meeting. You might have felt dejected, angry, ashamed or any number of other emotions. The truth can hurt because you feel exposed.

Perhaps you don’t want to feel at fault, but when the truth roles in with the tide, you can be pulled down by the undercurrent of denial. Addiction is rampant with denial—it’s the cell, the lock and key—all in one. It’s a scary feeling. You’ve lost your footing, it can be hard to breathe. Now, you think, what am I going to do? You may not want to face the truth and think, How can I get out of this? The thing is, you can’t get out of it. It’s already seeped into your psyche.

You may have heard the expression, the only way out is through. Whatever it is that you are afraid of, is what you have to face. In matters of addiction, you used all your energy trying to fool others and yourself that you didn’t have a problem. Shame hurts, acceptance hurts, but now that the truth is out, there’s this great spirited thing called hope!

In addition to facing the truth of an addiction, you may one day realize you are a trauma survivor. When horrific things happen, your body uses its coping mechanisms. It takes the event by the hand and pulls it into the recesses of your mind, so you don’t have to feel it. When working with a therapist on addiction issues, you might release a few memories. They could float up and pop. Oh my God, this can’t be true, I hate this thought, what am I ever going to do to get rid of these terrible feelings? The truth hurts because it can feel like the unknown— unknown waters, unknown territory, quicksand, and tidal waves.

When the truth hurts, acknowledge it. Work with a therapist to understand all its parameters, consequences and meaning. The more you face the truth, the less it will hurt. Depending upon its scope, healing from emotional pain can take time, just like recovery from an addiction. The two can be interwoven, but you can take all the time you need. That’s because you are alive and in recovery and moving forward with your valuable life.

Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We aim to provide a space where you can find out how and why you have struggled with addiction. Our therapeutic and medical support are just one of the tools we provide to help set you up for success in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.  

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